Deafening Silence
by deanpala
Summary: Sometimes, silence speaks the loudest and makes the biggest difference. Not all wounds can be healed. A Season 4 AU, oneshot. Contains mute Dean.


_I had a random burst of inspiration after reading a fic, so please enjoy this!_

Johns Journal, December 4th 1983:

Dean still hardly talks. I try to make small talk, or ask him if he wants to throw the baseball around. Anything to make him feel like a normal kid again. He never budges from my side – or from his brother. Every morning when I wake up, Dean is inside the crib, arms wrapped around baby Sam. Like he's trying to protect him from whatever is out there in the night.

Dean was never one to complain about his problems, he lived by the motto man up,

If things were getting hard and he had something he needed to say, he felt it was a reflection of how week he was. So he'd keep quiet and deal with stuff on his own.

Maybe that's why Sam didn't notice at first, or maybe it was how little he was around nowadays.

It had been a month since Sam finally got Dean to open up about hell. It had only been two days since Sam and Dean were under the Sirens spell, two days since Sam told Dean that he was weak, and holding him back, and did nothing but complain about hell.

It had been two days since Dean had spoken.

Sam didn't think anything about it at first, Dean wasn't into chick flick moments and he was mad at himself for what he said so he got that Dean needed to cool off.

But Dean had never ignored him completely or for so long.

When Sam offered to get food and asked what he wanted, Dean took the keys and got it himself instead of just telling him. When asked what he wanted to what all the response given was a shrug of the shoulders.

That was concerning enough, but Dean wasn't just giving Sam the silent treatment, it was something more.

If they went to a bar Dean no longer flirted with the girls. He would still hustle pool, but he didn't talk a big game, just put money down on the table.

So yeah, something was wrong with Dean.

The trend didn't end when Sam noticed it.

He had begged Dean to say something, anything. Begged him to yell, scream, and cuss at him for leaving him and being a terrible brother. Whatever it took for Sam to hear the voice of the one who had raised him and given for him and forgiven him over and over again.

It had been a month since Dean had spoken.

The entire month, Sam had tried to make it up to Dean. The whole time he hadn't snuck out once to see Ruby, and had ignored all her calls even though his hands were shaking constantly now from the withdraw.

Yet the whole time, Dean hadn't said a word. Dean hadn't let himself trust Sam not to leave again. Even when Sam told him he was just getting ice, Dean would tense but not looked surprised until Sam reentered the room, and every time he seemed surprised Sam bothered to come back, no matter how many times Sam said he wouldn't ever leave Dean again.

It wasn't only Deans mouth that went silent either, he walked quieter, ate quieter, turned down his music, even his sleep had less tossing and turning than it had previously.

Sam never noticed how much he'd enjoyed just listening to Dean _exist._

He never realized that just breathing and living had a sound of its own. But he did now, as he noticed that silence was more deafening than any part of Dean had been.

After three months of living in silence, Sam is startled when he hears the sound of angels wings. He's startled when he hears most any sound anymore.

"I was wrong."

Sam doesn't say anything, just waits for Castiel to elaborate. Sam understands now how many things you can be wrong about, how much you take advantage of things. After three months with Dean, Sam to is becoming more silent.

"My superiors wanted the seals to break as much as the demons. Your friend Ruby was in on it as well and was trying to manipulate you into killing Lilith. She was the last seal to Lucifers cage."

Sam wasn't that surprised by this information. Dean had been telling him since his pre-hell days that Ruby was bad news, that he couldn't trust a demon.

He just wished he listened before he broke Dean worse than hell ever had.

"There's a ritual to lock her in the cage as well, so that she can't die and start the apocalypse. I need Dean's help."

"Dean can't help you now."

Sam's voice was horse from lack of use, but he managed to get the words out. There was no way he was sending Dean to face Lilith, especially not in his current condition.

Sam saw Dean flinch in the corner of his eye and felt a stab of guilt as he thought about what he just said. He basically called Dean weak again, what had broke him in the first place. A rush of old memories ran over him.

" _You know why I didn't tell you about Ruby, and how we're hunting down Lilith? Because you're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are. Stronger, smarter. I can take out demons you're too scared to go near."_

" _That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you."_

" _For once in your life, just shut your mouth."_

Well Sam finally got his wish, Dean was dead silent and Sam would do anything to change that. And he definitely wasn't making things better by saying he still couldn't help with Lilith.

"What do you need?"

"The spell requires the blood of a righteous man."

Well crap. That sounded familiar, Dean, the righteous man who broke in hell.

Sam was far from righteous. He remembered what the angels had called him. An abomination, the boy with the demon blood.

"Sam, Dean can help. Just a little of his blood and for him to say the incantation."

"Dean can't talk. I broke him Cas."

Dean can't talk. Because saying he can't was so much easier than saying he won't.

"Will you take over then?"

Sam didn't need to think about it. Lilith was what had got him into this mess, and he sure wasn't gonna let all he lost be in vain.

It had been five years since the apocalypse had been averted. Five whole years and Dean still hadn't made a sound.

Sam had got everything he wanted. Dean was avenged, Lilith defeated, and the apocalypse avoided.

It still never made up for the sound of Dean though.

The end of the world is always seen as loud and chaotic, but Sam's sure he'd prefer it to the deafening silence that took over his life. Sure Deans eyes weren't glazed over now, and he turned his music up and smiled more. Sure his appetite was back and he slept more and drank less.

But he never spoke a word, and Sam never heard him again, whether it be laugher or sobs.

 _Thank you reading please R &R._


End file.
